What Do You Call Someone Who Wants to Control Everything? (And How to Deal With Them)

Ever been stuck working with—or worse, living with—someone who needs to have their hands in absolutely everything? You know the type: they micromanage your grocery shopping, critique how you fold laundry, and somehow always know the “right way” to do literally anything. Yeah, there’s actually a name for that. Several names, in fact. And understanding what drives these people might just save your sanity (and your relationships).

Let’s dive into the world of control freaks, domineering personalities, and those lovely folks who just can’t seem to let anyone else drive—literally or figuratively.

The Official Labels: What Psychology Calls Control-Hungry People

So what DO you call someone who wants to control everything? The most common term is “control freak”—though it’s worth noting that’s more of a colloquial phrase than an official diagnosis. In psychology circles, you might hear:

• Control freak – The everyday term everyone knows
• Micromanager – When they’re obsessing over every tiny detail
• Authoritarian – For those who demand strict obedience
• Domineering personality – Someone who forcefully dominates others
• Overbearing – When they’re excessively controlling and intrusive
• Officious – A more polite, professional way to say “annoyingly controlling”

But here’s the thing: calling someone a control freak doesn’t really tell you why they’re that way. And trust me, the “why” matters—a lot.

When Control Issues Signal Something Deeper

Sometimes controlling behavior isn’t just an annoying personality quirk. It can stem from deeper psychological issues like obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), anxiety disorders, or other personality disorders. In extreme cases, you might be dealing with:

• Narcissistic personality traits – Where control feeds their grandiose self-image
• Machiavellian tendencies – Cunning manipulation for personal gain
• Coercive control – A serious pattern of abusive, controlling behavior (also called “intimate terrorism”)

FYI: If you’re experiencing coercive control—threats, intimidation, isolation from loved ones—that’s abuse, not just a personality clash. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) is there 24/7 if you need help.

The Psychology Behind the Madness: Why Can’t They Just Chill?

Here’s where things get interesting (and maybe a tiny bit sad). Control freaks aren’t actually trying to make your life miserable—they’re usually terrified. Something happened in their past that made them feel sadness, fear, or shame, and now they’re determined to never feel that helpless again.

Think about it: when you feel like your inner world is spiraling out of control, what do you do? You try to control your outer world. It’s like when you can’t fix your anxiety, so you alphabetize your spice rack at 2 AM. Same concept, just… taken to the extreme.

The Root Causes Nobody Talks About

Attachment issues from childhood can play a huge role. If someone didn’t form secure bonds with their parents, they might not know how to form healthy relationships as adults. Their mind essentially says, “I can’t depend on others, so I must take charge so their neglect doesn’t hurt me”.

But it’s not always childhood trauma. Sometimes control freaks were:

• Overly indulged as children (hello, little god-emperors)
• Dealing with narcissistic wounds that never healed
• Genetically predisposed to high conscientiousness plus neuroticism
• Simply never taught healthy ways to cope with uncertainty

Spotting a Control Freak: The Tell-Tale Signs

Okay, pop quiz time. Does someone in your life do any of these things? 🙂

1. They Refuse to Admit They’re Wrong (Ever)

This is hands down one of the most annoying traits. Control freaks exhibit all-or-nothing, black-or-white thinking, and admitting even the smallest error feels like a threat to them. They believe others might use that admission against them or perceive them as incompetent.

It could be something as simple as getting the wrong date for a movie, but nope—they’ll somehow twist it so it’s actually YOUR fault for not reminding them properly.

2. Everything Must Be Done Their Way

Control freaks firmly believe that if you want something done right, you’d better do it yourself. They refuse to delegate because they’re convinced it’ll take more time fixing others’ mistakes. And if they DO delegate? Micromanagement central.

3. Judge, Jury, and Executioner of Everything

These individuals are highly principled, with opinions on everything from how people should hold their forks to how they should live their entire lives. They see themselves as somehow superior, destined to correct everyone else’s “obvious” mistakes.

4. Team? What Team?

Control freaks don’t really “do” teamwork. When they must be part of a team, they quickly try to dictate everyone’s behavior. After all, you can’t orchestrate everything when you’re only responsible for 10 percent of the outcome—and that drives them nuts.

5. Success Is 100% Their Doing

They believe success stems solely from talent and effort. They don’t believe in timing or luck, and often say things like “Failure isn’t an option”. When things go wrong? It’s everyone else’s fault. When things go right? All them, baby.

6. Mistakes Are Unforgivable

Both their own mistakes and yours. They exhibit obsessive behavior and feel compelled to point out and correct everyone’s mistakes around them. Fun at parties, right? :/

7. They Waste Energy Preventing Disasters That Might Never Happen

Rather than prepare themselves for the storm, control freaks try to prevent the storm from coming—even when they can’t. They waste time and energy hoping bad things won’t happen because they doubt their ability to deal with hardship.

The Dark Side: When Control Becomes Abusive

Real talk: not all controlling behavior is created equal. There’s a spectrum from “annoying colleague who hovers too much” to “genuinely dangerous relationship dynamics.”

Coercive control is a pattern of abusive controlling behavior that can turn violent. It’s when someone—usually an intimate partner—tries to dominate your life through intimidation, isolation from supportive people, threats, or actual violence.

Red Flags That Scream “Get Help Now”:

• They control all the money and your access to it
• They track your movements obsessively
• They isolate you from friends and family
• They deny your reality or gaslight you
• They refuse to admit fault for anything, ever
• They blame you for their abusive behavior
• You feel afraid or constantly on edge

If several of these sound familiar, please reach out to resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline. This isn’t about being a “better person” anymore—this is about your safety.

How to Actually Deal With Control Freaks (Without Losing Your Mind)

Alright, so you’ve identified the control freak in your life. Now what? You can’t exactly avoid them if they’re your boss, your partner, or your mother-in-law.

For Work Situations:

Set clear boundaries. Easier said than done, I know. But something like, “I appreciate your input, but I’ve got this handled” can work wonders when said consistently and professionally.

Document everything. If you’re dealing with a micromanaging boss, keep records of your work and communications. This protects you if they try to rewrite history later.

Pick your battles. Does it REALLY matter if the report margins are 1 inch instead of 0.9 inches? Sometimes letting them win the small stuff preserves your energy for what actually matters.

For Personal Relationships:

Use “I” statements. When discussing the behavior, say things like “I feel overwhelmed when…” rather than “You always…” This helps avoid sounding accusatory.

Set consequences and stick to them. “If you criticize my parenting in front of the kids again, we’re leaving.” Then actually leave if they do it.

Suggest professional help gently. The need for control often stems from anxiety. Finding other positive ways to reduce anxiety can help divert their need to control others. Maybe frame it as “I think we could both benefit from couples counseling” rather than “You need therapy, you control freak.”

The Universal Rules:

1. Accept you can’t change them. Seriously. You can only control your reactions and boundaries.
2. Don’t call them a “freak” to their face. Sometimes control freaks genuinely don’t realize their behavior comes across negatively. With these individuals, it’s important to get to the root of what’s driving the need for control. Insults just make things worse.
3. Protect your mental health first. If the relationship is destroying your peace, it might be time to create some serious distance—or leave altogether.
4. Reframe the term. Instead of thinking “ugh, control freak,” try “person who likes to take charge.” It’s a minor mindset shift that can help reduce your frustration levels.

When YOU Might Be the Control Freak (Oops)

Plot twist: what if you’re reading this and having some uncomfortable realizations? IMO, the fact that you’re even questioning it is a good sign—most control freaks are in serious denial.

Ask yourself:

• Do I struggle to delegate because “nobody does it right”?
• Do I get genuinely anxious when things don’t go according to plan?
• Have multiple people told me I’m “too controlling” or “micromanaging”?
• Do I secretly (or not-so-secretly) believe I’m just better at most things than other people?
• Would I rather do everything myself than risk someone else screwing it up?

If you’re nodding along to most of these, here’s the good news: There is help and there is hope. A trained therapist can help you get to the root of what’s driving your controlling behavior and address it so you can live free of the need to control everything and everyone.

The Bottom Line

So what do you call someone who wants to control everything? Control freak, micromanager, authoritarian, domineering—take your pick. But more importantly, understand that this behavior usually masks deeper fears and insecurities.

Control freaks waste time and energy trying to control their environment because they lack confidence in their ability to deal with discomfort. Building that confidence and accepting that not everything will go as planned is the path to inner peace.

Whether you’re dealing with a control freak or recognizing these tendencies in yourself, the key is compassion—combined with firm boundaries. Nobody’s saying you have to tolerate abusive behavior. But understanding the psychology behind it might help you navigate these tricky relationships with a bit more grace.

And hey, if all else fails? At least now you’ve got the perfect vocabulary to describe exactly what’s driving you up the wall. Sometimes just having the right words makes things a little more bearable.

If you’re experiencing controlling behavior that includes threats, intimidation, isolation, or violence, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website. Help is available 24/7, and you don’t have to share your name.