7 Proven Ways: How to Make Friends as an Adult With Autism
Quick answer
Making friends as an autistic adult is absolutely achievable! The key lies in identifying shared passions, embracing your authentic self, and seeking out communities where you feel accepted.
Learning how to make friends as an adult with autism involves understanding your own needs and finding others who appreciate you for who you are.
What you will discover
Imagine feeling like you’re speaking a different language in a room full of people who seem to understand each other perfectly.
This is a common experience for many autistic adults when it comes to social interactions.
It’s like trying to navigate a maze without a map, constantly second-guessing your every move.
The statistics highlight a stark reality: autistic adults often face significant challenges in forming and maintaining friendships, leading to increased feelings of social isolation.
This isn’t because autistic individuals don’t desire connection; rather, it’s often due to differences in communication styles and social expectations.
Think of it like this: neurotypical communication can be like jazz, improvisational and relying on unspoken cues, while autistic communication is often more like classical music, precise and direct.
This article will serve as a guide, offering practical strategies and insights into how to make friends as an adult with autism.
You’ll discover how to leverage your unique strengths, navigate social situations with greater confidence, and build meaningful connections that enrich your life.
We’ll explore understanding autism’s impact on social interactions, finding supportive communities, decoding social cues, and embracing authenticity in friendships.
By the end, you’ll have a roadmap for building a fulfilling social life that celebrates your individuality and fosters genuine connections.
It’s about finding your tribe, people who understand and appreciate you for who you truly are.
Understanding Autism and Friendship
Friendships are vital for everyone, but the path to building them can look different for autistic adults.
Let’s unpack how autism influences social interactions and why these connections are so important.
How Autism Impacts Social Interactions
Autism can affect how individuals perceive and navigate social situations.
This often involves differences in understanding social cues, interpreting body language, and engaging in reciprocal communication.
- Difficulties with Social Cues: Autistic individuals may find it challenging to pick up on subtle social signals like facial expressions, tone of voice, or implied meanings.
It’s like trying to read a book where some of the words are missing. - Communication Differences: Direct and literal communication styles are common among autistic individuals, which can sometimes be misinterpreted in neurotypical social contexts.
This can lead to misunderstandings, as what is meant sincerely can be taken the wrong way. - Sensory Sensitivities: Sensory overload in social settings can lead to anxiety and withdrawal, making it difficult to engage comfortably.
Imagine trying to have a conversation in a crowded room with flashing lights and loud music.
Dispelling Myths About Autistic Adults and Friendships
It’s essential to challenge common misconceptions about autistic adults and their capacity for friendship.
The biggest myth is the idea that autistic individuals don’t want friends.
These misconceptions can create barriers to understanding and acceptance.
- Myth: Autistic adults are not interested in friendships.
- Reality: Autistic adults often deeply desire connection but may approach friendship differently.
They may need more time to process social information or prefer different types of activities. - Myth: Autistic adults lack empathy.
- Reality: Empathy is present, but it may be expressed and understood differently.
Autistic individuals may show empathy through actions rather than words, or they may be highly empathetic but struggle to express it in a neurotypical way. - Myth: Autistic adults are incapable of forming meaningful relationships.
- Reality: With understanding and acceptance, autistic adults can build strong, lasting friendships.
It may require finding friends who are understanding and accepting of their communication style and sensory needs.
The Importance of Friendships for Autistic Adults’ Well-being
Friendships play a crucial role in the mental and emotional well-being of autistic adults.
The benefits of having supportive friendships are numerous.
- Reduced Loneliness and Social Isolation: Friendships combat feelings of isolation, which can be prevalent among autistic adults.
A 2021 study highlighted that social isolation is a significant predictor of mental health challenges in autistic individuals.
Having friends provides a sense of belonging and reduces feelings of being alone. - Increased Self-Esteem and Confidence: Positive social interactions and acceptance from friends can boost self-esteem and confidence.
When you feel accepted for who you are, it can have a profound impact on your self-worth. - Improved Mental Health: Friendships provide emotional support and reduce stress, contributing to overall mental well-being.
Research consistently shows a link between strong social connections and better mental health outcomes for autistic adults.
Friends can provide a listening ear, offer encouragement, and help you cope with challenges. - Enhanced Social Skills: Interacting with friends provides opportunities to practice and refine social skills in a supportive environment.
Friendships provide a safe space to learn and grow socially.
Quick Summary
Understanding how autism affects social interactions, dispelling common myths, and recognizing the importance of friendships are the first steps in helping autistic adults build meaningful connections.
This groundwork sets the stage for practical strategies to find and nurture those relationships.
Finding Your Tribe: Connecting With Others
Now that we’ve established the importance of friendships, let’s explore practical ways autistic adults can connect with like-minded individuals and build their social circles.
Leveraging Special Interests to Find Like-Minded People
Special interests can be a powerful tool for connecting with others who share your passions.
These interests can serve as a natural conversation starter and a foundation for building friendships.
- Identify Your Passions: Make a list of your special interests, no matter how niche or unique they may seem.
Don’t be afraid to embrace your passions, even if they seem unconventional. - Join Relevant Groups and Clubs: Look for local or online groups dedicated to your interests.
This could include book clubs, gaming communities, or hobby-based organizations.
Meetup.com and Facebook groups are great places to start your search. - Attend Conventions and Events: Participate in conventions, workshops, or events related to your special interests.
These gatherings provide opportunities to meet people who share your enthusiasm.
Comic-Cons, gaming tournaments, and academic conferences are just a few examples.
Expert Tip: Don’t be afraid to initiate conversations about your special interests! Many people will be genuinely interested to learn more, and you’ll naturally attract others who share your passion.
As Temple Grandin says, “The world needs all kinds of minds.”
Exploring Autistic Communities and Support Groups
Connecting with other autistic individuals can provide a sense of belonging and understanding that is invaluable.
Autistic communities offer a safe and accepting space to share experiences, build friendships, and learn from one another.
It’s a place where you can be yourself without fear of judgment.
- Local Autism Support Groups: Search for local autism support groups or organizations in your area.
These groups often host social events and meetups.
The Autism Society of America is a good resource for finding local chapters. - Online Forums and Communities: Join online forums and social media groups specifically for autistic adults.
Platforms like Reddit’s r/autism or online communities hosted by organizations like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) can be great resources. - Autistic-Led Events: Look for events and workshops organized by autistic individuals or organizations.
These events are often designed to be autism-friendly and inclusive.
Keep an eye out for events hosted by ASAN or other autism advocacy groups.
Navigating Online Friendships and Social Media
Online platforms can be a valuable tool for autistic adults to connect with others, but it’s important to navigate them safely and effectively.
It opens doors to connect with people worldwide.
- Choose Platforms Wisely: Select social media platforms and online communities that align with your interests and values.
Consider platforms like Discord, which are popular for gaming and special interest groups. - Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries for online interactions, including how much time you spend online and what information you share.
It’s important to protect your time and energy. - Be Mindful of Privacy: Protect your personal information and be cautious about sharing sensitive details with people you’ve only met online.
Never share your address, phone number, or financial information with strangers. - Recognize Red Flags: Be aware of potential red flags, such as excessive requests for personal information or pressure to meet in person before you’re comfortable.
Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to block or report suspicious users. - Managing Online Communication Challenges: Because social media became a quicker way to keep in contact with everyone, why was I not being responded to?
Was there something wrong with my posts if those I knew didn’t like or retweet them?
How do I know someone is my friend if they aren’t responding to my messages?
Warning: It’s easy to misinterpret tone and intent online. If you’re unsure about something, ask for clarification.
Quick Summary
Finding your tribe involves leveraging special interests, exploring autistic communities, and navigating online friendships safely.
These strategies can open doors to meaningful connections and a sense of belonging.
Decoding Social Interactions and Communication
Understanding the nuances of social interaction and communication can be a significant step toward building stronger friendships.
Understanding Neurotypical Communication Styles
Neurotypical communication often relies on unspoken cues, indirect language, and social conventions that can be challenging for autistic individuals to navigate.
It’s like learning a new language with its own set of rules and idioms.
- Indirect Communication: Neurotypical individuals may use hints, suggestions, or implied meanings rather than direct statements.
For example, instead of saying “I’m busy,” they might say “I have a lot on my plate right now.” - Social Conventions: Understanding and adhering to social conventions, such as small talk and turn-taking in conversations, can be important in neurotypical interactions.
Small talk can seem pointless, but it’s often used to build rapport and establish a connection. - Body Language and Facial Expressions: Interpreting body language and facial expressions accurately is crucial in understanding the full message being conveyed.
A smile can indicate friendliness, while crossed arms can indicate defensiveness.
Info: A recent study (2023) found that autistic individuals often process facial expressions differently, focusing on specific features rather than the overall emotional context.
This can lead to misinterpretations in social situations.
For example, focusing on the mouth instead of the eyes.
Effective Communication Strategies for Autistic Adults
Developing effective communication strategies can help autistic adults bridge communication gaps and build stronger connections.
- Practice Active Listening: Pay close attention to what the other person is saying, both verbally and nonverbally.
Ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their message.
Repeat back what you heard to confirm your understanding. - Be Direct and Clear: Communicate your thoughts and feelings directly and clearly, avoiding ambiguity or indirect language.
State your needs and intentions explicitly. - Ask for Clarification: Don’t hesitate to ask for clarification if you’re unsure about something someone has said or implied.
It’s better to ask than to make assumptions. - Use Visual Aids: Visual aids, such as written notes or diagrams, can be helpful in conveying complex information or ideas.
This can be particularly useful in group settings.
Managing Sensory Sensitivities in Social Settings
Sensory sensitivities can significantly impact social experiences for autistic adults.
Managing these sensitivities is crucial for creating comfortable and enjoyable social interactions.
It’s about creating an environment where you can thrive.
- Identify Your Triggers: Determine what sensory stimuli tend to trigger discomfort or overload.
Common triggers include loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, and crowds. - Plan Ahead: Before attending a social event, research the environment and identify potential sensory challenges.
Ask if there will be a quiet room or designated break area. - Use Sensory Aids: Bring sensory aids, such as noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, or fidget toys, to help manage sensory input.
These tools can help you stay calm and focused. - Take Breaks: Schedule regular breaks during social events to escape to a quiet, low-stimulation environment.
Even a few minutes of quiet time can make a big difference. - Communicate Your Needs: Don’t be afraid to communicate your sensory needs to others.
Most people will be understanding and accommodating if you explain what you need to feel comfortable.
For example, you could say, “I’m sensitive to loud noises, so I may need to step away for a few minutes.”
Fun Fact: Many autistic individuals find comfort in weighted blankets or compression clothing, which can provide a sense of security and calm.
Quick Summary
Decoding social interactions and communication involves understanding neurotypical styles, developing effective communication strategies, and managing sensory sensitivities.
These skills can empower autistic adults to navigate social settings with greater confidence and comfort.
Building and Maintaining Meaningful Friendships
Once you’ve made connections, the next step is to nurture those relationships and build lasting friendships.
Unmasking and Embracing Authenticity in Friendships
Authenticity is key to building genuine and fulfilling friendships.
Unmasking, or letting go of the need to conform to neurotypical social expectations, allows you to be yourself and attract friends who truly appreciate you.
It’s about being true to yourself and finding people who love you for who you are.
- Identify Your Masking Behaviors: Reflect on the ways you may be masking your autistic traits in social situations.
Do you force yourself to make eye contact, suppress stimming behaviors, or pretend to understand social cues that you don’t? - Gradually Reduce Masking: Start by gradually reducing masking behaviors in safe and supportive environments.
For example, you could start by stimming openly around close friends or family members. - Embrace Your Strengths: Focus on your unique strengths and talents, and share them with others.
Are you a skilled artist, a knowledgeable historian, or a talented musician? - Be Open About Your Autism: Consider disclosing your autism to friends you trust.
This can help them better understand your needs and communication style.
It’s a personal decision, but it can lead to deeper and more understanding friendships. - Find Friends Who Accept You: Seek out friends who value you for who you are, including your autistic traits.
These are the people who will celebrate your differences and support you unconditionally.
Strategies for Managing Conflict and Misunderstandings
Conflict and misunderstandings are inevitable in any relationship, but they can be particularly challenging for autistic individuals to navigate.
It’s important to develop healthy strategies for resolving conflicts.
- Communicate Clearly and Directly: When addressing a conflict, communicate your thoughts and feelings clearly and directly, avoiding indirect language or assumptions.
Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming the other person. - Listen Actively: Listen carefully to the other person’s perspective, and try to understand their point of view.
Put yourself in their shoes and try to see things from their perspective. - Take Breaks: If emotions are running high, take a break to calm down and collect your thoughts before continuing the conversation.
Step away from the situation and take some deep breaths. - Seek Mediation: If you’re struggling to resolve a conflict on your own, consider seeking mediation from a trusted friend, family member, or professional.
A mediator can help facilitate communication and find a resolution that works for both parties.
Maintaining Long-Term Friendships Through Life Changes
Life changes, such as moving, starting a new job, or having children, can impact friendships.
Maintaining long-term friendships requires effort and commitment.
Even when life gets busy.
- Stay in Touch Regularly: Make an effort to stay in touch with friends, even when life gets busy.
Schedule regular phone calls, video chats, or online gaming sessions. - Plan Meaningful Activities: Plan activities that you and your friends enjoy, whether it’s going to a movie, attending a concert, or simply grabbing coffee together.
Shared experiences can strengthen your bond. - Be Flexible and Understanding: Be flexible and understanding when your friends are going through challenging times or have changing priorities.
Life happens, and it’s important to be supportive. - Revisit Shared Interests: Find new ways to connect over shared interests, even if your circumstances have changed.
Maybe you can start an online book club or watch movies together remotely. - Neurotypical Perspectives: Integrating the neurotypical perspective on friendship with autistic people, including how neurotypical individuals can be better friends to autistic individuals, understand their communication styles, and navigate social differences.
Neurotypical friends can learn to be more direct in their communication and to be patient and understanding of autistic communication styles.
They can also learn about sensory sensitivities and be mindful of creating comfortable environments.
Case Study: Sarah, an autistic adult, struggled to maintain friendships after starting a new job. She made a conscious effort to schedule regular video calls with her friends and to plan activities that they could do together online.
By prioritizing these connections, she was able to maintain strong friendships despite her busy schedule.
Quick Summary
Building and maintaining meaningful friendships involves embracing authenticity, managing conflict effectively, and adapting to life changes.
These strategies can help autistic adults cultivate strong, lasting connections that enrich their lives.
Conclusion
Building friendships as an autistic adult can present unique challenges, but it is absolutely possible and profoundly rewarding.
By understanding how autism impacts social interactions, dispelling common myths, and implementing practical strategies, you can create a fulfilling social life that celebrates your individuality.
It’s about finding your people and building a support system that helps you thrive.
Remember to leverage your special interests, seek out supportive communities, decode social cues, and embrace authenticity in your friendships.
Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs, manage sensory sensitivities, and navigate conflicts with clarity and understanding.
These are all valuable tools in your friendship-building journey.
The journey of how to make friends as an adult with autism is a personal one, but with persistence, self-acceptance, and a willingness to connect, you can build meaningful relationships that bring joy, support, and a sense of belonging.
Embrace your authentic self, celebrate your strengths, and never give up on the power of friendship.
You deserve to have friends who love and appreciate you for who you are.
FAQ
How do I handle rejection when trying to make friends?
Rejection is a part of life, and it’s important to remember that it doesn’t reflect your worth.
Allow yourself to feel disappointed, but don’t let it discourage you.
Remind yourself that not everyone will be a good fit, and that’s okay.
Focus on building your self-esteem and continuing to put yourself out there.
It’s like dating, not every connection will be a match, and that’s perfectly normal.
What are some good conversation starters for autistic adults?
Conversation starters that focus on shared interests can be particularly effective.
Try asking about someone’s favorite book, movie, or hobby.
You can also ask open-ended questions about their experiences or opinions.
For example, “What are you working on lately?” or “What’s something you’re passionate about?”
Avoid overly personal or intrusive questions at first.
Where can I find autism-friendly social events?
Check with local autism support organizations or community centers for autism-friendly social events in your area.
Online platforms like Meetup and Facebook groups can also be good resources.
Look for events that are specifically designed to be inclusive and accommodating to autistic individuals.
These events often have reduced sensory stimulation and clear communication guidelines.
References
- The link between perceptions of self and of social relationships in high-functioning children with autism
- Loneliness, social relationships, and a broader autism phenotype in college students
- Social deficits and interpersonal relationships in autism
- Social emotions and social relationships: can children with autism compensate?
- Understanding loneliness and social relationships in autism: The reflections of autistic adults
