7 Proven Ways How to Make Friends as an Adult with Kids
Quick answer
It’s absolutely possible to make friends as an adult with kids! The secret? Shift your focus to activities where you can meet like-minded parents, be genuinely open to new social connections, and remember that building adult friendships takes time, effort, and, most importantly, vulnerability. Don’t hesitate to initiate conversations and embrace the beautiful, messy, shared experiences of parenthood.
What you will discover
Ever feel like your social life took a nosedive the moment your little one arrived? You’re not alone. Many parents struggle to build relationships and overcome loneliness after having children. According to a 2021 study by Cigna, over half of U.S. adults report feeling lonely. Parenthood can amplify that feeling.
It’s a common pain point: the playground feels less like a social hub and more like a battleground for social anxiety. But what if I told you that making mom friends or dad friends is not only achievable, but it can actually enrich your life, your child’s development, and your entire family dynamic?
This article is your roadmap to navigating the world of adult friendships with kids in tow. I’ll share practical, actionable strategies to overcome the challenges, find your tribe, and build a fulfilling social life that fits your new reality.
I’ll cover everything from understanding the specific hurdles that parents face to discovering the best places to meet potential friends, navigating tricky playdate dynamics (even when parenting styles clash!), and tailoring your approach based on your child’s age and your unique family structure. Get ready to transform your social life, one playdate—or maybe just one shared cup of coffee—at a time!
Why is it Hard to Make Friends as an Adult with Kids?
It’s no secret that friendship after moving or having kids can be difficult to cultivate. But why is it so much harder to form meaningful connections as a parent compared to our pre-kid days? Let’s break down some of the key obstacles, and understand why adult friendships can feel so elusive.
Time Constraints and Energy Depletion
Perhaps the most obvious reason is the sheer lack of time. Parenthood is a 24/7 job, and between diaper changes, school runs, and endless meal prep, carving out time for socializing can feel downright impossible.
Plus, let’s be real, the energy levels of parents are often running on fumes. After a long day of childcare, the thought of mustering the energy for a social gathering can be daunting.
Shifting Priorities and Interests
Before kids, you might have spent your weekends exploring new restaurants or hitting up concerts. Now, your priorities might revolve around nap schedules and finding the best deals on diapers. It’s a natural shift, but it can leave you feeling disconnected from your pre-kid social circle.
Expert Tip: Re-evaluate your interests. What activities did you enjoy before kids that you could adapt to your current lifestyle? Maybe it’s joining a hobby group with childcare, finding a book club that meets online, or even starting a walking group with other parents in your neighborhood.
Overcoming Mom/Dad Guilt
Many parents struggle with mom/dad guilt when they take time for themselves, including socializing. There’s a nagging feeling that you should be spending every waking moment with your children.
Warning: Remember that taking time for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential for your well-being and your child’s. A happy, fulfilled parent is a better parent. Building adult friendships can actually improve your parenting skills, create a more positive family environment, and model healthy relationships for your children.
Fear of Judgment from Other Parents
The world of parenting can feel like a minefield of judgment, from breastfeeding vs. formula to screen time limits. This fear of being judged can make it difficult to open up to other parents and form genuine social connections.
Fun Fact: According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 61% of adults report feeling stressed about social expectations. Embrace your parenting style and remember that there’s no one “right” way to raise a child. Every family is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.
So, you see, there are many reasons why making friends as an adult with kids is hard. But don’t despair! The next section will cover where you can meet other parents and potential friends.
Quick Summary
Making friends as a parent is challenging due to time constraints, shifting priorities, parental guilt, and fear of judgment. Recognizing these obstacles is the first step toward overcoming them and building a fulfilling social life.
Where to Meet Other Parents and Potential Friends
Understanding the challenges is one thing, but knowing where to find your tribe is another. Fortunately, there are many avenues for meeting other parents and forging social connections.
Leverage Your Children’s Activities
Your children’s activities are a goldmine for meeting other parents. Whether it’s at the park, a playgroup, or a school event, these are all opportunities to strike up a conversation and find common ground.
Expert Tip: Don’t just drop your child off and disappear. Hang around, chat with other parents, and be proactive in initiating conversations. Ask open-ended questions like, “What other activities does your child enjoy?” or “How long have you been coming to this park?”
Online Parenting Communities and Social Media Groups
Online parenting communities and social media groups can be a great way to connect with other parents who share your interests or are going through similar experiences.
Info: Facebook groups, online forums, and even apps like Bumble BFF and Peanut can help you find local parents with whom to connect. Look for groups based on your child’s age, your interests (hiking, crafting, books), or specific parenting styles (attachment parenting, Montessori).
Local Community Events and Workshops
Keep an eye out for local community events and workshops geared towards parents. These can range from parenting classes to family-friendly festivals.
Quote: “I met some of my closest mom friends at a babywearing dance class,” says Sarah, a mother of two. “We bonded over our shared love of dancing and our shared struggles with sleep deprivation.”
Rekindling Existing Friendships
Don’t forget about your existing friendships! Reach out to old friends, even if you haven’t seen them in a while. You might be surprised to find that some of them are also parents, or that they’re eager to support you in your new role.
Testimonial: “After having my baby, I felt so isolated,” says Emily. “But then I reconnected with a college friend who also had a young child, and it made a huge difference in my mental health. We understood each other in a way that no one else could.”
These are just a few ideas for where to meet other parents and potential friends. The key is to be open to new experiences and put yourself out there. Building adult friendships takes effort, but the rewards are well worth it. Let’s summarize the main points from this section in the summary below.
Quick Summary
Meeting other parents can happen through children’s activities, online communities, local events, and rekindling old friendships. Being proactive and open to new experiences is key to building your social circle as a parent.
Navigating the Unique Challenges of Parent Friendships
Finding potential friends is just the first step. Building lasting platonic relationships with other parents comes with its own set of unique challenges.
Playdate Dynamics and Parenting Styles
Playdates can be a breeding ground for awkwardness, especially when parenting styles clash. How do you navigate disagreements about discipline, screen time, or food choices?
Warning: It’s important to remember that you don’t have to agree on everything. Focus on finding common ground and respecting each other’s differences. Set clear expectations upfront about your boundaries and be prepared to gently redirect if necessary.
Maintaining Friendships with Non-Parents
It can be challenging to maintain friendships with non-parents after having kids. Your priorities and lifestyles may have diverged, but that doesn’t mean the friendship has to end.
Expert Tip: Make an effort to stay connected, even if it’s just through phone calls or occasional outings. Schedule regular “adult” time with your non-parent friends, without the kids in tow. Be honest about your limitations, but also make an effort to stay engaged in their lives.
Addressing Social Anxiety in Parent Settings
Social anxiety can be amplified in parent settings. The pressure to be “perfect” and the fear of judgment can make it difficult to relax and be yourself.
Info: If you struggle with social anxiety, start small. Attend a low-key event, like a coffee date with one other parent, and gradually work your way up to larger gatherings. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that everyone feels awkward sometimes.
Handling Rejection and Social Setbacks
Rejection is a part of life, and it’s especially painful when it comes from other parents. How do you cope with feeling excluded or rejected?
Quote: “I once tried to organize a playdate with a group of moms, and no one responded,” says Jessica. “I felt so embarrassed and discouraged, but I reminded myself that it wasn’t personal and that everyone has their own reasons for not being able to attend. I just kept trying, and eventually found my people.”
By addressing these unique challenges head-on, you can navigate the world of parent friendships with greater confidence and resilience. It’s important to remember that not every connection will be a home run, but the effort is worth it for the quality friendships you’ll build along the way. Let’s summarize the main points from this section in the summary below.
Quick Summary
Navigating parent friendships involves addressing playdate dynamics, maintaining friendships with non-parents, managing social anxiety, and handling rejection. Open communication, respect for differences, and self-compassion are key.
Tailoring Your Approach Based on Your Child’s Age and Family Structure
The strategies for how to make friends as an adult with kids can vary depending on your child’s age and your family structure. Let’s explore some specific approaches.
Infants and Toddlers: Focusing on Support and Shared Experiences
With infants and toddlers, the focus is often on finding support and sharing experiences with other new parents.
- Join a new parent support group.
- Attend baby and toddler classes (music, swimming, sensory play).
- Organize playdates at your home or a local park.
- Look for stroller-friendly walking groups in your area.
School-Aged Children: Connecting Through School and Activities
As your children enter school, there are more opportunities to connect through school events, extracurricular activities, and parent-teacher organizations.
- Volunteer at your child’s school (classroom helper, library assistant).
- Attend school sporting events and concerts.
- Join the PTA or other parent organizations.
- Offer to carpool with other parents.
Teens: Finding Common Ground Beyond Parenting
With teens, it can be harder to connect with other parents, as your children’s social lives become more independent.
- Focus on finding common interests beyond parenting, such as hobbies or volunteer work.
- Attend community events and workshops.
- Join a book club or other social group.
- Connect with parents of your teen’s friends.
Single Parenting and Co-Parenting: Specific Strategies for Your Situation
Single parenting and co-parenting present unique challenges when it comes to building relationships.
- Seek out support groups for single parents.
- Connect with other co-parents who share similar values and parenting styles.
- Prioritize self-care to avoid burnout and isolation.
- Utilize online resources and communities specifically for single parents.
| Family Structure | Strategies |
|---|---|
| Infants and Toddlers | New parent support groups, baby classes, playdates, walking groups |
| School-Aged Children | School events, extracurricular activities, PTA, carpooling |
| Teens | Shared interests, community events, social groups, connect with parents of teen’s friends |
| Single/Co-Parenting | Support groups, connecting with other co-parents, self-care, online resources |
By tailoring your approach to your specific circumstances, you can increase your chances of finding meaningful connections and building a strong social network. Let’s summarize the main points from this section in the summary below.
Quick Summary
Tailoring your approach to your child’s age and family structure is crucial for making friends. Focus on support and shared experiences with infants and toddlers, school connections for school-aged children, common interests for teens, and specific support for single and co-parenting situations.
Conclusion
It’s clear that making friends as an adult with kids isn’t always easy, but it’s definitely possible. By understanding the challenges, leveraging opportunities, and tailoring your approach, you can build a fulfilling social life that enriches your own life and your child’s.
Remember, it’s okay to start small, be vulnerable, and embrace the shared experiences of parenthood. Don’t be afraid to initiate conversations, join groups, and put yourself out there.
The rewards of quality friendships are immeasurable, providing support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. So, take the first step today and start building your tribe. Your social life—and your family—will thank you for it!
FAQ
How do I initiate a conversation with another parent at my child’s school?
Start with a simple compliment about their child’s artwork or a comment about a school event. Ask an open-ended question, like “How long has your child been at this school?” or “Are you involved in any of the school activities?” This can lead to a more in-depth conversation. Another approach is to ask for a recommendation, such as “Do you know of any good after-school programs?”
What are some online communities where I can find other parents with similar interests?
Facebook groups are a great place to start. Search for groups related to your hobbies, your child’s age, or your location. Peanut is another app designed specifically for connecting moms. Also, check out Reddit’s parenting subreddits for advice and discussions. For working parents, consider joining online communities related to your profession.
How can I balance my friendships with the demands of parenting?
Schedule dedicated time for socializing, even if it’s just a quick coffee date or a phone call. Involve your kids in some social activities, like playdates or park outings. Communicate openly with your friends about your limitations and be flexible with scheduling. Remember, even 15 minutes of connection can make a big difference.
What if I’m an introverted parent – how can I make friends more easily?
Start with one-on-one interactions rather than large group settings. Choose activities that align with your interests, such as a book club or a quiet workshop. Don’t feel pressured to be overly outgoing; focus on being a good listener and showing genuine interest in others. Prepare a few conversation starters in advance to ease any anxiety.
How do I deal with conflicting parenting styles when trying to make parent friends?
Focus on finding common ground and respecting each other’s differences. Avoid getting into debates about parenting philosophies. If a conflict arises, try to find a compromise or agree to disagree. Remember, you don’t have to agree on everything to be friends. Focus on shared values like kindness, respect, and a sense of humor.
References
- Adult social relationships
- Stressful aspects of older adults’ social relationships: Current theory and research
- Understanding adult social relationships
- Older adults’ social relationships and health care utilization: a systematic review
- The impact of social activities, social networks, social support and social relationships on the cognitive functioning of healthy older adults: a systematic review
